Lost. Not a happy word in my opinion. Its kind of lonely and hopeless. Even when used describing something positive like “lost in a good book” or “lost in thought” It still makes me cringe a little. Lost is exactly where I have been in my horsemanship for several years now. I cant explain it exactly. One is tempted to lump it under burn out but it went so much deeper than that and frankly scared the living be-jesus out of me. I questioned even having a horse. For those of you who know me best that’s like saying I’m considering taking a vow of silence. So improbable that you would laugh out loud …no really its ok, I know I yack A LOT….I prefer to think of myself as gregarious on steroids! In any case as I struggled to understand what had shifted and when. I realized that I had been doing the same thing with horses for almost 12 years. The exact same lessons taught, revisited and practiced for 12 years. Oh I dabbled here and there and honestly attended a few clinics that where mind blowing ( Ray Hunt, Charles Dekumfy come to mind) but then I would stall again. Caught up in the daily teaching of clients and new horses. Don’t get me wrong, I learned from each new horse something I did not know. I gained new insight from each clients questions. Even if they where the same as the last client, explaining the nuances for their particular horse was a constant source of information and understanding. I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your horsemanship journey with me! I realized only recently that each of my clients had a horse or two they where deeply passionate about which made their journey all the more fun for me and emotionally challenging for them. Getting them in sync with their special critter was the best pay check I could ask for. I didn’t even realize I had nothing that momentous at home with my own critters. I like all my horses past and present, they have all taught me more about me than I have a right to know ,honestly. However passionate, inspirational, motivating, exciting?…..well, no…. until Cuervo, who inspired all those things and more. But there was a catch. The training I knew and trusted did not work the wonders on him it had on previous horses nor could I use it fully due to his physical limitations at the time. If I pushed through with the repetitions I felt he needed he didn’t stay sound, so the chiropractor would come out and put him right and I would hedge on how to convey to him the lessons I wanted us to share. I wasn’t ready to let go of what I knew. Funny , as I was in the same exact position when I went to John Lyons Certification Program 14 years ago. Slowly after making statements like “ I don’t care if I ever ride Cuervo, its enough he makes me smile” and “I have Boo to ride when I have time…” I knew these where not quite honest. So I searched and talked( big surprise) and read and watched and tried really hard to ignite a spark that would get my horsemanship on track. Where did I want to be? What did I want to do?, How did I want to ride? What made it all click? Well, part of the problem was in the “trying“. I have always been a square peg in the round hole kind of person. That means push it hard enough and it will eventually , kinda, fit! The search did open up some wonderful friendships and coined me a new way to approach Cuervo that he prefers over the previous way. But I was forcing it and faking it and flogging myself for it. Why? Why? WHY? Its like that line in a song by Pink, she sings “ why do I do that ?”, then , in a speaking voice, as if to herself ,she asks exasperatedly “why do I do that?” Same thing going on here. I wasn’t sparking, heck not even smoldering and I was trying sooooo hard! Then an opportunity arose, that was ill timed for my current circumstances but I knew I needed to take it, even when I was doubting myself in the first weeks, thinking, Ive gone down this path before. And I have. This time though, something was different. That difference was passion. I truly like every horse that I get to touch, I LOVE my big Boo for the journey we have been on together for 15 years and will continue on for her lifetime. I LOVE my Cuervo who has lit a new way for me to see and continues to wait for me. And my sweet Lacey girl, who through her random trail rides has helped me decide what it is I really want in my partnerships with horses. I like them all, but Ive loved only a few. Love is a funny thing and as most of us have experienced , love is exhilarating, exasperating, energizing. Despite conventional thinking(overrated),friendly advise(much appreciated) and cosmic timing( learn to trust) I am proud to introduce to you Leonidis de Echo my new partner in crime. He is a three year old paso fino gelding whom I was smitten with two years ago at the paso fino show in Asheville. There is a spark now folks, and with proper care and feeding it will be a flame. I would like to thank Lori West and Echo West Farm for reaching out to me with an offer I couldn’t refuse and for including me in some very theraputic saddle time on the gorgeous FETA trails that surround their home. I am more grateful than you can ever imagine.

Grateful....

Here in the south there are always wonderful terms to describe the most mundane things. Take the word "busy" for example, sure we can add words to it like "insanely", "crazy", or "stupid" to really drive home the point. But check this out, Here one would say, "I'm just covered up!" Said with a sad smile and a little shrug of the shoulders and you might even get a hug from the person you are talking to, you will definitely get a sympathetic " well, bless your heart..." and a pat on the hand. That friends, sums up my last few months. Ive simply been covered up! In the grand tradition of a picture is worth a thousand words, Ill let these few do the talking and catch up with words when I can string them together again in a semblance of coherency.

Nikki Collins, RIP

We lost our Nikki today after an illness that seemed to come on slowly around the end of November. After many tests, and treatments for vague symptoms she stopped eating and we had her put to sleep here at home surrounded by her loved ones. She was a wonderful girl. I had never been around actual huskies before meeting Tim and was a bit skeptical at first about their general temperament, but as I quickly learned, the girls are so good. There won't be another like her,and I'm glad to have had the chance to be part of her pack. See you on the other side girlie! PS Nikki, if you are hanging out with a particularly troublesome jack russel, I apologise...you'll get used to her. If need be tell the large black dog to give her a chop. We love you sweet gal!

Alpharetta

Living the life

My suite..

Icy drive

Steak dinner awaits
Country side behind the farm

Atlanta Georgia is only 3.5 hours from my front door. The east coast is cool that way. Take a drive in any direction for a few hours and you will most likely end up in another state. Its not so easy on the west coast to do that. I set off two Fridays ago with Amerika the worlds coolest riding simulator, to give a clinic in a town called Alpharetta. Little known to me, this place was similar to Del Mar, CA and Warrenton Va. if they where spliced together and plunked down with in spitting distance of Atlanta. My long weekend however turned into an impromptu week long stay as winter dumped some very "narsty" weather on us Monday afternoon( my departure date). I spent the rest of the week teaching a few intrepid students who braved icy roads and maybe worst of all, the driveway at Prospect Hill Farm who was kindly hosting me. Not to be deterred by a little "weatha", we donned our warmest winter wear and hiked next door for steaks on the grill one evening. When we finally where able to make it out it was for my farewell dinner at a wonderful Chinese bistro, Yay duck salad!!!! It was my first real view of the amenities in the area and I must admit I was suffering some pretty mean amenities envy. First and most importantly a Dover Saddlery, yep, right there on the main street. Costco(remember the one closest to me is in South Carolina), not just any old Costco either, this one had a fresh gelato stand inside, a liqueur barn and DECAF dunkin donuts coffee, inexplicably NOT available at mine(I bought three bags!)There where many, many cute looking eateries and Starbucks, Whole Foods, Trader Joes.....oh the list goes infinitely on and on......anyhoo, paradise has its downfalls too, TRAFFIC the kind only Atlanta can have, and really icy roads. The main ones even. I heard an ugly rumor that there are only 10 snow plows in the whole state. Driving on the roads 5 days after the storm, I can believe it. We made it home, Amerika and I. The roads in rural NC having been salted and plowed(nanny nanny boo boo). I'll be back to Alpharetta of course, just not until the warmer months when week long stays are a choice and not a necessity.

How Knitting Fights Winter Butt

Whats Winter Butt you ask? Winter Butt is an insidious condition that strikes most women right around January every year. Its brought about by egg nog, snuggling by a fire place with a hot toddy, and Christmas goodie making/sampling. It causes sagging and dimpling of the rump region and for some reason is always a surprise to those afflicted ( moi being the most surprised every year) This year I even noticed it in my fine, furry equines as well. Apparently carrying my derrier is good for all our derrieres! As always when struck by this scourge I set my sights on ridding myself of it. Not living on the swamp road, near an indoor pool or fun yoga studio has made it a bit of a challenge. My hot house tomato tendency has kept me off my horses for a few weeks not to mention all the holiday fun and company. I had to get creative. I considered and discounted the local gym mostly because, well, I hate gyms with their funk,germs and noise. But in my momentary gym musings I did remind myself that we do indeed have our own treadmill.....big, loud, dramatic, sigh. Treadmills seem like such a ridiculous idea to me in my "just be outdoors" haughtiness. But this year I have stooped to use it. (ONLY until spring mind you) Number one, its cold out, number two, well , its cold out and number three, its that or the gym...ewwwwww not. So, I am now "treading" or should I say "tread milling". What eveeeeeeeeer. I only had to over come the severe boredom factor that this entails. TV is out, who does that anyway? Reading, gave me a eye strain with a slight headache( just like I get in a car) and listening to my ipod only got me through three sessions on the old machine. How many times can I listen to Gaga after all. I already knew all the words but now I know all the keys as well. Ay yi yi! I decided to try the one thing I was looking forward to doing in the winter months but that unfortunately, I believe, contributes to Winter Butt as well. Knitting! Its true, Ive ripped out the same scarf Ive been working on....twice...but not only does it keep my hands busy, it keeps my eyes off that irritatingly,red flashing, lap counter. Four miles fairly flys by when you aren't saying to yourself " I know Ive been on here more than 3/4 of a mile...." Plus, think how many scarves will get knitted by next Christmas, it boogles the mind. So long Winter Butt, see ya next year.

Santa, Guns and Fall colors.

Its been almost 13 years since I have experienced a true fall. The kind where leaves change and fall,rain lasts all day, sun shines on frosty fields and wood smoke is the most common smell on the air. Its lovely and Ive missed it. I have been on the road alot the last few months, KY, VA and such. So I have seen some pretty vistas. Ive also missed a plethora of wonderful festivals around these here parts. Oktoberfest came and went with out so much as a swallow of dopple bock for me. There was a pottery festival, many a fall farmers market, several town specific parades and celebrations and at least one organized trail ride that I missed or otherwise couldn't attend. Bummer! I was determined to do at least one though and so I set my sights on "A Southern Christmas" A downtown , Charlotte staple. True I was giving up small town quaint for big city glitz but what the hey right? It was a festival for the holidays and I was not going to miss one more! We found the exit in part due to the line of cars stopping traffic on the highway. "uh oh, this IS a pretty big deal" Tim said as we added to the obstruction, nosing our car onto the shoulder behind about 100 others. Turns out this wasn't the first of the lines we encountered that day. There was the line to buy tickets, the line to get in, the line to get through the entire Christmas village set up inside the expo center, the line to the bathrooms( of course) the line for the wine tasting, luckily we abhor sweet wines the staple here in the great grape growing region of the triad. So our favored wines had no waiting! grin, But we did have to wait to get close enough to signal the down trodden Shiraz seller to fill us up several samples of his finest! He was so happy to see us, poor soul. Oh, then of course there where the lines and traffic snarls caused by every stroller in a hundred mile radius being used to haul loot and the occasional screeching child. Can I just say, that in such tight quarters there should be a stroller lane, where moms and shoppers with a need to stroll their loot around can congregate and chat and otherwise stay out of the flow of real traffic trying to just enjoy the sights elbow to elbow with thousands of our closest friends. After completing what Tim and I assumed was the whole show, we headed for the potty and that's where I found to my surprise that there was two more buildings full of show! OMG....Tim paled a little when I told him about it but we gamely pushed on. Through the hall of fried food, past the lonely salad and pita wrap sellers and into a flea market nightmare. There where taffy vendors( who really eats this stuff?), knife sellers, people hawking shammy's, hose nozzles,essential oils and nonstick cookware. All of them had microphones and flashy booths with demos at high volume and to ad to the painfully slow traffic, free samples. It was quite the thing let me tell you! We emerged from the first of the two buildings ready to cut out on the third but where lured in by some live Christmas trees and Santa figurines. After they had you locked into the flow of traffic it became the same flea market horror as the other. So with one brief stop at the Christmas village, for a holiday like cleanse, we took our leave and headed out to find lunch. Big city, Saturday, good restaurants...right? eh, yeah good CLOSED restaurants only open for dinner or closed at 1pm to reopen at 5pm....it was 2pm.
We managed to find a grill of some sort open near the fresh market (where I was determined to eat if yet one more food joint was closed to us.) It was food at least and rather a pleasantly dim place after the bright, loud show! But the best was on the way home. Tim spots a Gun show sign and with a classic,mischievious grin, wheels on in to peruse firearms. I enjoyed the firearm owners and attendees myself. A den of eclectic fanatics you have never seen. And the odors! Musty world war two era jackets, duffel bags and gun cases, deer pee, motor oil and cigarettes. Shew! as they say here in the south! Not to mention the occasional beer fumes and fried onions smell emitting from my fellow shoppers. Now , I'm not a gun loving sort, but on a purely aesthetic plane, I found I fancied hammer less, 38 revolvers with a laser in the grip, in shiny gun metal, silver! But that's just me.....Tim liked big, black guns with clips. Now everyone who has watched any amount of detective/police/mystery-kill-kill TV knows that clips can jam and do at the most inopportune times! And like the westerns I always have favored, there is something heart stopping about the sun glinting off of a barrel of a gun! That being said, for actual protection should one need it, I think a flame thrower would be most effective, collateral damage be damned. If someone is on fire their focus will likely shift from you to themselves. There where no flame throwers there though, *sigh* only "girl-ey" weapons like mace and tasers....oh and guns of course! So our get into the spirit weekend was eclectic to be sure, but in some ways so appropriate. We hit the wives to do first, and the place where alot of the husbands where second. A very telling and authentic southern fall outing I'd say!

Fall, Firewood and "Punkins"

On my quest to keep the frost from the tips of our snoots and our toes toasty in the coming months. I have been traversing the country side acquiring large amounts of fire wood for our ancient wood stove in the mud room. The oil furnace will be used sparingly as oil is almost 3 bucks a gallon.(gasp) I have located a great source for large quantities of dry hardwood off of ....guess where...my favorite.....CRAIGSLIST! I swear one could rule the world with properly used craigslist listings. I have thus far picked up and stacked three pick up loads of walnut. I have three more loads to go, two being oak. I have no idea how much we need but i think 1/3 of garage full is a good start! At $60 a load, cut and debarked, I think its a steal. Plus I get to take a lovely drive through the fall country side as a fabulous, free perk. Looking at all the pumpkins and mums and scarecrows adorning the various yards put me in the mind to decorate.....yes! to decorate for fall/Halloween/Thanksgiving. I used to back in MD but fell out of the habit in CA. So the search was on for suitable decorative squash. After three roadside stops with bright orange punkins running about 12 bucks a piece, I began to remember why I stopped decorating. Then I past a truck load of gorgeous frosty colored pumpkins being unloaded at a local convenience store. Only slightly squealing to a stop after a questionable "U-y", I climbed out of my pick up into a jovial group of pumpkin wranglers. I picked out a few and tried to pay but the good will was flowing and each of them gifted me a beautiful globe. WOW, I was floored. Those boys will get a pan full of brownies and a loaf of my bread next week when I head out for more wood. Just another reason to love my new home here in upstate NC.