Boob sling

Out with the old.....
A bow? NOT.

It had to happen eventually. Yes, that's right, all the "no-price" deals I got at the second hand store( also known as Good Will) on bra tops finally gave out. They have frayed, split and sagged their last breaths as useful undergarments. Sigh...I had to actually go BRA shopping. UGH! This, despite what other women experience, is about as fun for me as getting a Brazilian wax with liposuction while fully conscious. I'll have all of you know that I never experienced either of these processes first hand but from what I've seen on Discovery channel? Well, at least lipo comes with serious twilight drugs.

I began my dreaded shopping at the last place I purchased a new, bra many years ago. Victoria Secret. Not that I would recognize the joint. The last time I was in there it was actually a shop for woman with boobies who could presumably drive themselves to the store and held a job to pay for the merchandise. Sometime in the last decade or so it has turned into a teen boutique for gals who need padding to fill out a 32 double A. Let me touch on a few of the dead give aways that this shop is no longer for woman seeking....er..... sensible support shall we say.
1) Pink, pokadotted, beribboned,bras, in a padded demi-cup with sequins......
2) Hooded, faux fur trimmed, silk jackets so short a toddler would be hard pressed to garner any warmth from them( yes, yes YES! I'm probably missing the point, . MOVING ON.....)
3)"Fragrance" so sickly sweet, my teeth started to ache just three and half minutes after entering the front door.

In other words this was not my mothers Victoria Secret. Well, OK... it is actually where Mom gets her panties now a days(called "drawers" where she comes from by the way!) but, I digress. Lets get back to my horrifying experience. Quickly succumbing to fumes and over whelmed with loud, thumping music I cast about desperately for someone to help me locate a simple, non under wire, boob sling. You know, one that might actually be unobtrusive under my t-shirts. I honestly didn't see anything in white or beige on the racks( pardon the pun). Thankfully a woman a few years older than myself came to the rescue and she was the consummate professional. She found two likely candidates in neutral colors tucked away in drawers under the displays. Then she showed me to my dressing room and there ladies and gentlemen is where she shined. Next to me was a girl, oh I don't know lets say, 13 years old or so. And our gal sales lady said to this child, with a straight, sincere face" How is that bustier and garters? Do you need me to get you a smaller size?" OH.....MY....GOD! I had to bite my tongue so I wouldn't utter a sarcastic "seriously??!!!" I felt suddenly very old and very Puritan. Bring me out my bonnet and hoop skirt and I'll be on my way. sigh.... My two samples where depressingly sturdy,and for $40 bucks a shot only the white one made it to the register. I hope it hangs on for a decade or so because Im not sure I could survive another foray into bubblegum boom boom.

Hair Brained

I'm falling out of love with my hair. I know its fickle. My poor hair can only do so much when faced with challenges like high humidity, very hard , iron laden,salt treated water and the lack of a shampoo that works under these conditions. Lets not even get in to the fact that I abuse it regularly with color treatment and sun and horse shmutz. Ad to that, the new torment of my ever present wool beanie and the zipper of my winter jacket. Sigh,can you blame it for looking so... well ... lack luster? I'm finding these long, brassy, wiry hairs woven into the carpet, stuck to the sofa, and laying forlornly around the drain in our shower. I even found one clinging to the lemonade bottle in the fridge! This is not Kosher. I am not happy! My goal has been to wear long hair until I'm to old for it and then get it cut in a reasonable, old lady do, that I will happily dye "blue" and have set in rollers once a week at the local "sal-on". I may be forced to consider other options. That makes me desperate. I don't know about you, but desperation makes me do some out of character things sometimes. This particular time it drove me to watch and consider an infomercial! I'm sure you all have seen it. It features Mellisa Gilbert for heavens sakes. Who is more trust worthy than Laura Beth from Little House on The Prairie? NO ONE! So after a quick conversation with myself : "wait... what's this? ugh... infomercial( rolls eyes)... hair care product? Back the bus up! maybe its the answer!...OK but if anyone comes in the room switch the channel fast" I settled down to watch lots of women with gorgeous hair rinse and comb a product called "WEN" into their scalps. Well now, this was interesting. According to the creator of this product, this was a soap free alternative to hair care. HMMMMM.... "soap free? does that mean no drying?" I asked the TV. Why , yes! yes it does mean the end to crispy, unruly, lack luster hair! I was interested.... very interested. Despite his resemblance to the artist formerly know as Prince,Mr Chaz Dean, Wen creator, himself had faaaaabulous hair darling. I was ready to pay what ever it took by the end of that half hour. Turns out I didn't have to though as I was actually gifted a starter pack! Oh the excitement of washing my hair. It was labour intensive lots of pumping, lots of rinsing, lots of massaging, lots of combing. But, it came out beautifully, and my hair once I dried it was uber shiny and uber bouncy! I was in love! It had no heavy fragrance. My hair stayed wonderful between washings, it was a miracle! Until I realized how much one has to use on hair the same length as Melisa Gilbert and I. Lets just say that the budget wasn't going to allow this kind of decadence. I didn't give up though. My hair was a changed woman, some one else out there had to have a similar product, a knock off even, that I could afford. Many thanks to google search and YouTube as apparently there are people out there who review products on camera for the whole Internet to witness. That's where I found Sally beauty supplies Wen knock off. Its a fraction, A FRACTION of the price. So cheap in fact I ordered all their flavors with shipping for under what one bottle of Wen would cost me. If you could buy one bottle of WEN that is, it seems to only come in sets. Anyhow, this new stuff , Hair One, is pretty good. It doesn't come with a wide tooth comb like WEN or packaged in a nice box with raffia shreds for packing like WEN, but I found out after ordering my Hair One, I can actually go down to Wilmington and buy it locally at Sally's Beauty Supply. What could be better? Now don't get me wrong, I'm still going to scour amazon for deals on WEN as I feel I owe it to Melissa and Chaz. ( I would die to score a salon size jug!) But until then I'll happily use my impersonator and fall in love with my hair all over again.

Shiver...

How does one cope with the cold? Hmmm, with record lows in places that its more moderate and record highs in places its traditionally cold, It seems climate change is wreaking havoc amongst us. I have forgotten a few things about true cold. For one thing my lips are a mess as are my fingers. NO amount of water consumption, balm, lotion or vitamin E is saving the skin from being anything other than cracked, sore and dry.(LOVERLY!) Then there is the static. We all look like something blown off a spent dandelion. The dogs shuffle around tentatively touching their super charged noses to things. They receive a shock and then proceed to look pathetic and abused while sneezing uncontrollably. Its all very vexing. So far my cold management strategy for doing chores is, bundle up in several layers with at least one of those layers hanging past my hips. I make sure all openings through my warm layers are cinched down or stuffed full of something fleecy and warm. I don a wool hat lined with polar fleece, and drink down a cup of scalding tea before venturing forth onto the tundra. I have taken to traveling around the farm with plastic jugs full of hot water. This helps thaw things like , chicken water bowls, frozen beet pulp, cold, metal snaffles and bare fingers that have been used to pick the freshly broken ice chunks from the water trough. They do not however help much with frozen spigots or hoses. Hoses must be laid in the sun for use later in the day once some warming has taken place. I was pretty smug actually about this solar arrangement until the few coils of hose in my barn froze. They are attached directly to my water filter which makes them pretty much permanent in their placement, leaving no way of getting those particular coils into the sun. For that I'll be hooking up a heat lamp later. Then I will fill both troughs and all buckets to the rim in hopes of getting to the warmer weather promised for the end of the week before more water is needed for the animals. Sleepiness is a consequence I forgot about cold weather. I'm outside trucking around feeling full of vim and vigour then I come back into a warm house and can hardly keep my eyes open. Whats with that? Ive taken to standing, because I know once I sit, I'm a goner. Of course I may topple over with my soup spoon half way to my mouth but I guess that's a risk I'll have to take. Now, can anyone recommend gloves that actually keep the ends of your fingers warm?

They come and they go.....

Miss Kitty was humanely euthanized last night after a freak accident with Boo. Poor cat got under her feet when she was cantering in a work out and suffered severe head trauma. All my brave talk about how barn kitties have unusually short but full lives is ringing hollow for me this morning where there is no Miss Kitty to meet me at the kitchen door. No Miss Kitty curled up in her blankets on my porch furniture. No Miss Kitty to escort me to the barn and back how ever many trips a day I make. Its not like I haven't lost barn kitties before, Moses, Radar, Tig, Tawny all wonderful barn kitties in MD, all killed on that horrible road out in front of my farm there. Diesel's brother Slinky, in Ca,simply disappeared one day the probable victim of a coyote. Its always miserable. This one is especially hard. I saw this happen and wish I could have done something to stop it. She was older, brave, and sweet. She was special and I'll miss her funny little cat face.

shtuck en zie mud!

"I never seen so much water!" Water pronounced "whar-tur". So says the fed ex man dropping off new winter wear for the horses. In fact its what everyone is saying around these here parts since we moved in. Well, that's just peachy. I love knowing that the reason my 4 wheel drive, heavy duty, ford is stuck 3 feet from my front door is due to some strange coastal weather anomaly. GREAT! For the second time this week Ive had to slog to the barn, in "good" clothes to extract humongous amounts of questionable hay to stuff under my tires in hopes it will give me just enough traction to get on a non rutted section of the yard in order to make my escape off the property. The place looks like some kind of scare crow killing fields! Well this all may be about to change. It seems my landlords suffered the same misfortune on a visit to their RV yesterday. Their 6 plus hour ordeal just happened to coincide with our day out to see Sherlock Holmes. Oops.....So after the movie we are enjoying a hot chocolate and wandering around in public when I finally remembered to turn my phone back on. That's when we got the message they where in need of some assistance. Its a real challenge to try to explain to harried, muddy, cold New York natives that 4 wheel drive is great for towing out smaller vehicles, IF said 4 wheeler is on ground where the tires can gain purchase. So we where only good for some sympathetic noises and limited company. (It was cold after all and we had stuff to do!) In any case their dilemma was solved by an even bigger truck with a thirty foot tow chain. After a few initial missteps that cost them their bumper, they where freed and wasted no time in getting down the drive. Before the rescue though I was told to expect gravel next week. Lots and lots of glorious gravel.