Boob sling

Out with the old.....
A bow? NOT.

It had to happen eventually. Yes, that's right, all the "no-price" deals I got at the second hand store( also known as Good Will) on bra tops finally gave out. They have frayed, split and sagged their last breaths as useful undergarments. Sigh...I had to actually go BRA shopping. UGH! This, despite what other women experience, is about as fun for me as getting a Brazilian wax with liposuction while fully conscious. I'll have all of you know that I never experienced either of these processes first hand but from what I've seen on Discovery channel? Well, at least lipo comes with serious twilight drugs.

I began my dreaded shopping at the last place I purchased a new, bra many years ago. Victoria Secret. Not that I would recognize the joint. The last time I was in there it was actually a shop for woman with boobies who could presumably drive themselves to the store and held a job to pay for the merchandise. Sometime in the last decade or so it has turned into a teen boutique for gals who need padding to fill out a 32 double A. Let me touch on a few of the dead give aways that this shop is no longer for woman seeking....er..... sensible support shall we say.
1) Pink, pokadotted, beribboned,bras, in a padded demi-cup with sequins......
2) Hooded, faux fur trimmed, silk jackets so short a toddler would be hard pressed to garner any warmth from them( yes, yes YES! I'm probably missing the point, . MOVING ON.....)
3)"Fragrance" so sickly sweet, my teeth started to ache just three and half minutes after entering the front door.

In other words this was not my mothers Victoria Secret. Well, OK... it is actually where Mom gets her panties now a days(called "drawers" where she comes from by the way!) but, I digress. Lets get back to my horrifying experience. Quickly succumbing to fumes and over whelmed with loud, thumping music I cast about desperately for someone to help me locate a simple, non under wire, boob sling. You know, one that might actually be unobtrusive under my t-shirts. I honestly didn't see anything in white or beige on the racks( pardon the pun). Thankfully a woman a few years older than myself came to the rescue and she was the consummate professional. She found two likely candidates in neutral colors tucked away in drawers under the displays. Then she showed me to my dressing room and there ladies and gentlemen is where she shined. Next to me was a girl, oh I don't know lets say, 13 years old or so. And our gal sales lady said to this child, with a straight, sincere face" How is that bustier and garters? Do you need me to get you a smaller size?" OH.....MY....GOD! I had to bite my tongue so I wouldn't utter a sarcastic "seriously??!!!" I felt suddenly very old and very Puritan. Bring me out my bonnet and hoop skirt and I'll be on my way. sigh.... My two samples where depressingly sturdy,and for $40 bucks a shot only the white one made it to the register. I hope it hangs on for a decade or so because Im not sure I could survive another foray into bubblegum boom boom.